Rochester Senior AdvisorHow do I know a parent can no longer live alone?
The common signs are missed medications, spoiled food, unpaid bills, falls or near-falls, weight loss, a car with new dents, a house that has slipped from its usual standard, and a parent who seems frightened or withdrawn.
One sign is a reason to watch more closely; several together usually mean the current setup is not safe. Write down what you see with dates. It helps the conversation and any later assessment.
What can we try before a move?
Before a move, many families try a few hours of home care a day, a personal emergency response system, medication dispensers, home-delivered meals through the Office for the Aging, adult day care, and home safety changes such as grab bars and better lighting.
In Monroe County, NY Connects at (585) 325-2800 can screen for EISEP and other programs. Outside Monroe, call the county Office for the Aging.
When does assisted living make more sense than more help at home?
Assisted living usually makes more sense when help is needed at unpredictable times including nights, when the parent is isolated for long stretches, or when paid home care would run past roughly 47 hours a week at New York's $35 hourly median.
The emotional case matters as much as the money. Many parents who resist the idea settle in quickly once meals and company are part of every day.
How do I talk to a parent about moving?
Start early, before a crisis, frame the conversation around what the parent wants to keep doing, involve them in touring, and let a doctor or a trusted outside voice share concerns about safety.
Expect more than one conversation. Offer choices rather than ultimatums: which residence, which apartment, which month. A respite stay, which many residences offer, lets a parent try a place before committing.
What legal papers should be in place?
A durable power of attorney for finances and a health care proxy, which is New York's form for naming a health care agent, should be signed while the parent can still make decisions, along with a living will if they want one.
Without them, a family may need a court guardianship proceeding under Mental Hygiene Law Article 81, which is slow and costly. An elder law attorney can prepare the documents.
What does a geriatric assessment add?
A geriatric assessment by a physician or care team reviews memory, mobility, medications and daily function together, and gives the family a clear picture of what level of care is needed.
Ask the parent's primary care doctor for a referral; the assessment also supports later admission paperwork.
At a glance
| Signs that call for a change | Signs that call for watching | |
|---|---|---|
| Safety | Repeated falls, wandering, stove left on | One forgotten appointment |
| Health | Weight loss, missed medications | A single bad week |
| Home | Unpaid bills, spoiled food | Some clutter |
Sources include the N.Y. Social Services Law and Public Health Law, 18 NYCRR Parts 487-494, 10 NYCRR Parts 415 and 1001, Department of Health GIS messages, CMS, the VA and CareScout, as cited above; see our editorial standards.
